Good Morning, Happosai!
by xycos
Summary: What if Ranma and Happosai switched bodies...? Happosai is off hitting on Shampoo, Ukyo and Akane while Ranma must endure terrible ridicule and pain! HOW SWEET! Please R&R!
1. Good Morning, Ranma!

Okay, I decided to branch out a bit from my Harry Potter story (which, BTW, is awesome, so click on my name and go read it!) I'm not sure if this idea has been used before, but, whatever, enjoy!

Chapter 1: The Switch 

            In Tokyo, Japan, nestled away in the Furenkin neighborhood, stood a small reminder of Japan's old days: The Tendo dojo. Beneath the roof of the house, which showed signs of repeated shoddy attempts at repair, lived a very curious family. Soun Tendo, the owner and master of the dojo had invited his friend, Genma Sautome, and his son Ranma to stay with them, as Ranma was engaged to one of his daughters, Akane, although both ignored the fact. Soun's other two daughters, Nabiki and Kasumi, also lived under the roof. There was also one other strange houseguest: Soun and Genma's master, Happosai, also lived with them.

            This night, Happosai tossed and turned in his bed, a frown of anger planted on his aged face. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he rolled from side to side on his bed sheets that he had made himself out of what appeared to be bras and panties.

            _Akane…Sweet Akane…How sweet she is…Shampoo…Oh beautiful Shampoo…Such dreamy, sparkling eyes and luscious, sexy hair…Ukyo…Ukyo, with a fiery temper…Oh, how I want her…Kodachi…Oh, Kodachi Kuno, who is so special in her own way…Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi…Curse Ranma! Why does Ranma have to have all the girls? What does he have against a frail, old man like me? Why can't I have all those girls? Poor me, oh, poor me…Oh, these sweet, sweet panties I'm laying on…_

"I'm going to get that Ranma, just you wait!" Happosai said aloud. "Just you wait…"

The next morning…

            Ranma awoke, blinking at the sunlight. Next to him lay a panda, stretched out, a stick of bamboo half-hanging out of his drooling mouth.

            "Ranma! We're going to be late to school!" Akane yelled from below.

            _Damn school…Up at all hours…Kuno bugging me about this and that…And then that principal and his stupid haircuts and statues…_

Grumbling, Ranma stood up and stretched. For some reason, when he stood up, everything seemed much taller… it was if he had shrunk terribly overnight. _Oh well_, he thought, _no use worrying about this now; weird stuff is always going on with me._ He hurried downstairs and into the main room, where Kasumi was serving breakfast. He was only slightly taller than the table.

            "Thanks, Kasumi," he said, grabbing a bowl of rice.

            "Oh, you've never been so kind to me before!" she said, smiling.

            "Uh… what? I say that every day…"

            Kasumi said nothing, but sat down across the table. Akane spooned more steaming rice into her mouth and opened he mouth.

            "RANMA!"

            "I'm right here, you don't need to shout so loud," Ranma said. "You know, you're so uncute when you do that!"

            Everyone at the table gave him a quizzical look.

            "What?" he asked, glancing around the table.

            Genma appeared in the doorway, finishing up the bamboo and holding up a sign saying, "Good Morning!"

            "Hey, dad, morning" said Ranma.

            Now everybody was looking at him strangely. The piece of bamboo dropped out of Genma's mouth and fell to the floor where it was nosed by a small black pig that went by the name of P-Chan or (occasionally) Ryoga.

            "What is it?" Ranma asked, glancing around. "You guys are freaking me out."

            "Sorry master!" said Soun, groveling.

            "Master…? I'm Ranma!"

            "Master, are you feeling okay?"

            Ranma looked down at himself. And then he screamed. He _was_ Happosai, wearing the ugly purple suit trailing a bra from his left foot. The real kitten kaboodle. Somewhere between one and three hundred years old, a little under two feet tall and known to everyone as Japan's most perverted martial arts master. So _this_ was why he had felt so small this morning – he was small!

            Just then, he looked up to see himself, the body of Ranma, girl-type, walk into the room. Except that (s)he was not wearing clothes. Instead (s)he wore a pear of Akane's panties and the bra that Happosai had tried to have him model numerous times. And (s)he was wandering aimlessly around looking down at him/herself.

            "HOW SWEET!!!"

            Everyone looked between the Happosai-Ranma and the Ranma-Happosai.

            "Did you two switch bodies or something?" Akane asked.

            "I…I think we did," Ranma said, staring down at his new body.

            "HOW SWEET!!!"

            "We've got to go see Dr. Tofu NOW!"

            "Okay," Akane sighed, "I agree. After all, I can't take _him_ to school with me… Nor can I take you in that body."

            "Oh, if you're going to Dr. Tofu's, could you take this to him for me?" asked Kasumi, handing them a casserole.

            "Err…sure," Akane said, smiling.

            "HOW SWEET!!!"

            And then Ranma and Akane were off.


	2. Happosai's Day Out

Thanks everyone who reviewed! Here's another (short) chapter… Hope you enjoy.

**Chapter 2: Happosai's Day Out**

            "Ooh! Let me see Shampoo's sweet panties!"

            Cologne looked up to see her son-in-law, Ranma rush in, grinning wildly. Behind her, her great-great granddaughter spoke from behind the boiling pot of noodles she was cooking.

            "Ranma! You so happy! I so happy you happy!"

            She abandoned the noodles and ran over to hug Ranma. Ranma rubbed his head in her breasts.

            "Ranma! Amazon woman have pride!"

            "Are you proud of your panties? Let me see, let me see!"

            "Ranma! You no act right today! You act like grandfather Happosai!"

            Cologne looked up, and for a split second into Ranma's eyes.

            "That _is_ Happosai," she said quietly.

            "What?" demanded the Happosai-Ranma, crouching. "This body can't roll under her legs!"

            "Happy, you no take Ranma body!" yelled Shampoo, and, with a mighty kick, Ranma's body went flying far into the sky…

            "Ooh! Let me see Kodachi's sweet panties!"

            "Ranma! For the love of Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl, I challenge you!" yelled Kuno, stepping into Happosai's path as Happosai neared the bridge of Green Turtle's pond. Happosai plowed straight through him, sending him flying far off into the sky.

            "Oh, my Ranma-Darling is here to see me? Sasuke, fetch some tea."

            Bowing low, Sasuke left the room, as Happosai entered, grinning widely.

            "Ooh! Kodachi's sweet panties!" he yelled, seeing some panties drying outside her window. "HOW SWEET!"

            "Ranma-darling? Are you desirous of some lovely homemade cookies?"

            She held out a steaming basket with a delicious aroma about it. Happosai ran over and ate the entire basket in 2.086 seconds.

            "HOW SWE-SWE-_yawn_-T!"

            And with that he collapsed. Kodachi laughed evilly.

            "Mwa ha ha! Ranma-Darling is all mine now!"

            Meanwhile, on the other side of town…

            "Dr. Tofu is there anything we can do?" pleaded Akane.

            "Well, there might be a way. You see, the way that bodies are switched is through an ancient martial arts move called the Body-Switcher. The only way to get your original bodies back is for both people to do what the heart of the body they're inhabiting most desires."

            "Right, so how do we make this happen."

            "Well, you need to do two things. Firstly, you must have Happosai fulfill Ranma's desire. Akane, you must date Happosai."

            "WHAT!?"

            "And, Ranma, you must steal 1,000 pairs of panties… Bras count as ¾ of a point and gym shorts as ¼."


	3. Pantyhose Daze

**Chapter 3: Panty Hose Daze**

"You know," said Shampoo's great grandmother, stirring a steaming pot of ramen, "We could use this situation to our advantage."

"How?" asked Shampoo, swishing her long blue hair out of her face.

"Well, I'm sure Happy would consent to marry you…. And then when son-in-law gets his body back, you'll be the blushing bride!"

"He he he he he he!"

Meanwhile, at the Kuno household…

"Ranma-darling can I make you a fourth dinner?"

"Ha ha ha! This is the life! I love being young and handsome again!"

"RANMA! PAYBACK FOR LAST TIME!" shouted Kuno, rushing into the room, sword out menacingly.

"Woah!"

Happosai jumped backwards, but a second too late. Kuno's sword connected, and he went crashing out the window and fell in Green Turtle's pond.

"I'LL GET YOU RANMA… Oh, my sweet pig-tailed girl! I love you!"

_Actually, being Ranma sort of sucks…_

Later that night, Ranma and Akane went to the school…

"I can't believe I'm helping you do this…" grunted Akane, placing P-chan on her shoulder.

"Tell me about it," grumbled Ranma, walking along on the fence so he was about level with Akane's head. "And what are _you_ looking at, P-brain?"

"Stop bullying him! Anyway, there's the girls' locker room."

"Alright! I'll do anything to get my body back!"

Ranma ran in, broke through the window and began opening lockers, stealing panties.

"Hey, this is actually kinda fun! I like being Happosai!"

"RANMA!?"

But even Akane's breath was taken away by what she heard next:

"HOW SWEET!"


	4. Akane's Task

**Chapter 4: Akane's Task**

            Back at the Tendo residence, Happosai and Ranma were rolling around on a bed of women's underwear, laughing.

            "HOW SWEET! HOW SWEET!"

            "I can't believe it," Akane said, staring.

            "Do you think Happosai's body perverted Ranma to this point?" asked Nabiki.

            "I don't know… he seems to be enjoying it quite a bit," said Soun.

            Just then, there was a knock on the door.

            "Oh! Shampoo! So good to see you!" said Kasumi, smiling.

            "Oh, great…" complained Nabiki as Genma held up a sign "NOT AGAIN!"

            "Ooh…Ranma want Shampoo love?"

            "Hell yeah," said Happosai, with a grin.

            "This is your moment, Akane," said Soun.

            "What!?"

            "You've got to date Happosai before Shampoo! Remember what Dr. Tofu said?"

            "Ugh…You two!" yelled Akane, standing up impressively. "STOP MAKING OUT!"

            "Akane, you no hurt Ranma."

            Gritting her teeth, Akane dropped to her knees before an overjoyed Happosai.

            "Oh, Happosai, or Ranma, or whatever… I love you."

            "Ooh! Akane and Shampoo! HOW SWEET!"

            "Let's date!" said Akane with a horribly fake smile. "I'll cook for you…"

            "WHAT!?" said Happosai, backing up towards Shampoo.

            "I make sure Akane no cook for you," said Shampoo, smiling.

            And, as the family stared, Happosai walked out the door holding Shampoo's arm.

            "Great… and Ranma, stop it before I put yet another hole in the roof!"

            "HOW SWEET!"

            "That does it! Grr…"

            "Oh well," said Ranma, using Happosai's powers to land safely. "I'd better get some more panty-stealing done. Maybe at the hot baths…"

            "We go bath!" said Shampoo, leading Happosai along.

            "Women's side? Whee!"

            Just as they walked in, Ranma rounded the corner.

            "Right… look at all those panties in there! HOW SWEET!"

            Then, as Ranma disappeared around the wall to trhe changing rooms, Akane turned the corner.

            "I'd better do my best to get Happosai back… The pair of them, ugh!"

            But there was one more to arrive.

            "Akane! If Ranma is with Shampoo, then tonight I will make you mine!" said Ryoga with a smile.


	5. In The Bathhouse

**Chapter 4: In The Bath House**

            "Hello, young man, can we help you?"

            "Which way to the men's side?" asked Ryoga.

            "Right over there…. No, that's the women's side… come back here, I pointed right there! Oh… I wonder if I should get him out of there?"

            Meanwhile, Shampoo was talking happily to Happosai.

            "You no go hot water. You turn man."

            "BUT I WANNA!"

            "No! Stay in cold shower!"

            "Only fat old ladies are there!"

            "No! Bad Ranma!"

            "WAIT UP!" yelled Ranma, jumping in just at that moment.

            There was an instant uproar.

            "IT'S THE UNDERWEAR THIEF!"

            "PERVERT! PERVERT!"

            "YOU'VE TAKEN AWAY MY BODY, BUT YOU WILL NOT TAKE AWAY MY REPUTATION!" Ranma was yelling in Happosai's surprisingly loud voice.

            "Ranma! Get out!" yelled Akane, skidding in. "And Happosai, it looks weird when you're feeling up other girls when you're one yourself."

            "HOW SWEET!"

            "Akane!" yelled Shampoo, standing up. "You no interfere! I marry Ranma when Happosai is him!"

            "Akane?" whispered Ryoga, trying to find the exit to the women's dressing room (by opening every locker) without being seen. "What can I do to show her my true feelings?"

            "AAH! IT'S A MAN IN THE LOCKER ROOM!"

            "I… I don't…"

            "Oh! Ryoga!" yelled Happosai, rushing in, now in male form, "You like stealing panties too?"

            "TWO MEN!"

            "If I have to kill myself… well, not really myself… I will NOT marry Shampoo!"

            "THREE MEN!"

            "E-N-O-U-G-H!"

            Two fiery-red battle spirits rose into the air. The gigantic Ranma and Happosai were staring at each other, both naked but impressive nonetheless.

            "It's payback time!" yelled the wrinkled Ranma.

            "You dare hit your master?" roared the muscular Happosai.

            "You forget, now that I'm in your body I get all your powers!"

            "Come on, let's get out of here," Akane urged Ryoga. Ryoga stood transfixed, staring up at the hovering battle auras as Ranma and Happosai prepared to fight.

            "RAARGH!"

             "UUUURGH!"

            "HAYAI!"

            "WAHOO!"

            The shapes above were moving so fast nobody could see what was going on. Both threw their whole life into the fight, dodging, punching, kicking…

            "HAAARUGH!!!"

            "Hey, look at that!"

            "Ooh, Hey Cutie-Pie!"

            Instantly, both battle auras faded as Ranma and Happosai raced across the room towards the same girl.

            "She's mine, I noticed her first!" yelled Ranma.

            "But you're old and wrinkly!" Happosai yelled back.

            "I…can't…believe…it!" growled Akane through clenched teeth.

            "How can I marry a man like either of them?" wailed Shampoo. "Oh, what will great-grandmother do to me?"

            "Oink oink," agreed Ryoga, who had been splashed with cold water during the chaos. "Oink, oink."


End file.
